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Calling in Support and Accountability

Uncategorized Mar 30, 2021

Today is about asking for support or accountability from a place of love for yourself and for others. 


I remember that at one of the first "personal growth" events I ever went to, the coach split us off into small groups.


In those groups, we were to share what actions we were committed to taking, and how the other group members could "hold us accountable."


At the time, asking someone else to hold me accountable seemed so foreign, and so for many years I resisted asking for it. 


What is it about asking for help that so many of us struggle with in different ways?


Do you have trouble reaching out for help, accountability or support?


If so, you are so not alone. 


This message today is an encouragement to do exactly that. 


If you've been feeling like you want to be more gentle with yourself, or are overwhelmed, over-scheduled, or just like you keep not doing the thing you really want to do - there's an opportunity to seek support or ask for accountability.


What I've seen in my own life and with my coaching clients is that people, especially friends or partners, will usually be SO happy to support you once you've asked.


The ask for support or accountability is an invitation. 


This is called the "invitation to show up." 


You can share an invitation with someone, just as you would to any event, and they are totally obliged to say no, or yes, but...


In the invitation, you clearly articulated what support you were looking for, just like if you were sending out an invitation to your very own magnificent ball you would say what it was, when and where it was, and even what to wear. 


Once the invitation is delivered, the person can totally decline, or let you know that they can come but might be running late, or let know that they are so excited, so happy to say yes, and have been waiting for your invitation all these years. 


In other words, they can say that they can do that, or modify the request (ie: I can text you then, but I can't call you), or let you know that they just don't have the capacity for that right now, which isn't personal. 


You can then invite someone else. 


You get how this works? 


This strategy works really well in dating and relationships, friendships, and with family members. 


Get clear on your ask, and then have the courage to seek it.  


Someone can accept, decline, or modify, and we can go from there. 


When we don't ask, we don't give other people the opportunity to show up, and we also lose out on the support and accountability that can be soooo amazing in helping us to flourish and be our best selves too. 


So ask: 


What do you need support or accountability with? 


Who do you want to ask? Is it just one person, or multiple people?


What would that support and accountability look like for you? How regular? In what way? 


Then... ask. 


Let yourself reap the reward of feeling supported in the ways you desire to be, and to have the loving accountability to help yourself thrive. 


I had a situation with a friend not too long ago who got frustrated with me for not calling her to follow-up to support her after something had happened in her life.  


I had supported in other ways, but not in follow up phone calls she assumed I would make, and she was hurt about it.


While I understood where she was coming from, I didn't know the specific support of phone-calls she was looking for because she never asked for it. 


This situation is not unique.  I am sure you've found yourself being on either end of this story before too, whether it was with a friend, love, or family member. 


Many of us assume another will support us in a certain way and feel disappointed when they don't, but haven't actually made how we wish to be supported clear. 


So ask.


Similarly, maybe you've been trying to make a new habit stick, or keep wanting to try something new and keep not doing it.  You've been trying to do it alone - so ask for accountability.  


This might be accountability to make sure that you don't over-schedule your time, that you are actually going for the walks that you said you are going to, that you finally make an online dating profile, or that you enrol in the course you said you wanted to enrol in. 


Ask for whatever accountability you need, in the way that you need it. 


In my own journey, I've been doing somatic based trauma healing the last several months and I've figured out what I need to do after those sessions to help me process in a healthy way, but I kept on not doing those things.


When I don't process in a healthy way, needless to say, it backfires.  


So this time, I asked for accountability and support. 


I asked two friends to hold me accountable to make sure I was doing the two things that help me process the sessions afterward.  


I let them know when my session was, and what I needed in terms of support in the week after the session, which was simply to just check in 48-72 hours after the session to see how I was doing. 


And, right on time, they both did.  It was actually having that container of support and accountability that allowed me to finally process and heal in the way I know I wanted to. 


It reminded me of how magical it can be to have other people hold you accountable in a loving way, and how much easier it is to do things when we feel supported instead of alone. 


So - try it! 


Lastly, if you feel like you're not even sure who to reach out for to get accountability, then stay tuned for next week when Six Weeks to Shine opens up again :)